“Milf alert!” Johnny said
As I’m lost, floating through my brain
“Dude”, he says, as if it were my name,
“Look at the ass on that one.”
While a woman, in her mid-30s,
Blonde hair, pony tail, yoga pants,
Bends over to tie the shoes of her autistic son.
“Yeah man, nice.” I say as I try to find my way back
To my familiar, cozy, melancholy haze
And the dairy aisle.
“It’s just this place, is just fucking loaded with talent, dude.”
“There’s the yoga place, right next door.”
“And like, only chicks who care about their appearance come
Johnny continues while looking over my shoulder,
“I should apply here. It’s probably less money than Mack Shack,
but Jeeezus Christ, look at all this talent.”
Another woman struggles with the weight of her bags,
A shade off from perfectly matching the ones under her eyes.
She’s bald, you can tell even though she wears a cap,
Chalk-white and half-dead,
Weak – you can just tell.
I saw her five minutes before, carefully studying the ingredients of her seaweed salad.
I’m rooting for her to make,
But she glances back at me with a look
That tells me she won’t.
Johnny asks me,
“You know who’s probably fucking great in bed?”
He answers for me, “Ava. She’s a yoga instructor now.”
There’s a long silence in the car until Johnny interrupts,
“What’s the point of fucking roses?”
“They’re expensive. They just die.”
“You look at them once, go ‘Oh, that’s nice'”
“And then you throw it in the trash.”
“Just sticks with thorns”, I say.
He laughs again.
“Watch where you’re going, you just almost ran over that
Mexican lady and made me spill your quinoa, faggot.”
“Asshole!” she shouts, in perfect English,
Johnny looks at me like I’m retarded
“Yeah, I know”, I say.
I miss the turn a minute later.
“Shit can’t you see?”
“Just zombies bro, everywhere I go.”
We both laugh this time.
We went to the bar later that night.
Johnny killed it with every girl he talked to.
It was really an amazing thing to watch.
I sat on my stool and barely blinked as the whiskey refilled itself.
A girl much younger than I came up to me and asked,
“Why do you look so sad?”
I forget my response, but it was something witty and she laughed.
I had sex with her that night
And then never talked to her again.
I told my girlfriend several days later and she broke up with me.
Last week, I sent them both a dozen roses,